Dear Little Girl,
I am your fairy godmother sent to share the wisdom you will learn on your own and to honor your purpose in this lifetime on this glorious planet. As your fairy godmother, this is my letter to you about dating and love.
You will be on a journey to learn what love is and is not. Your journey will be full of disappointment, heartache, break-ups, hurting others, hurting yourself, and charting your own path. Along the way, you will experience people and situations to their fullest with every part of your being. You’ll FEEL and it will scare you sometimes.
You will experience a diverse range of personalities, some healthy, some not.
You will be confused because of your heritage. Your parents want what is best for you. From their perspective, they believe it is best for them to choose your husband. You will find that you are not aligned with the people they select for you.
You will try to be what your family wants you to be but at a very young age, your body just cannot do it, so you leave to make your own path towards love.
You will learn that you are not submissive. You’ll want to do things your way so that you get the full experience and full accountability. Yet, you will attempt to prove that you are worthy of love from those who are undeserving. You will still focus on what you hear or think others want you to be.
You will learn that you cannot buy love through gifts or money, pursuit, giving or manipulation.
You will learn there are those who lie, cheat, get physical and verbal and steal. You will learn those people are not for you…and that you just chose to be with them to learn about what love is and is not.
You long to be loved for who you are…yet, you don’t know how to find a man who values you and loves you be-cause you grew up in two worlds.
You will see that you have tried to win the love and approval of your father for many years. You will learn that the expression of love that you are is different from that of your father. You will learn to surrender; to accept your family as they are and to love yourself as you are.
You will experience pressure from family and family friends to get married and to have children Yet, somehow you know that you will not have children. Somehow you know your body is not equipped to have them. Instead, you will be an instrument for transformation to many parents and their children in the years to come.
You will learn that the one night stand cannot be committed to or love you. You’ll find that the ones you pursue, end up leaving. You’ll find that you need to be in a relationship after relationship after relationship. Until you learn that you don’t.
You will not take your relationships to meet your parents or family. You’ll figure out that the few times you do, the boys show up as major douches. Everyone sees it…you do too, and you feel unworthy.
All the while, your friends don’t say anything to you.
You will learn they tolerated you and the boys you were with. You will also learn what friends are and are not and you will learn how to be a wonder-full friend. You will become your own best friend. You learn reciprocity is what you yearn for and require in your relationships.
You will be dumped the night of your brother’s wedding, causing embarrassment to the family. You have no clothes to wear so you go shopping and find a navy blue skirt that looks almost black knowing black is not considered a lucky color and your father dislikes that color.
One day you will be engaged to be married.
You find that your fiance still speaks with his ex. You learn he was still in love with her. You fail to see the red flags everywhere even though he has dropped them all along. You don’t acknowledge them, wanting to be right…this time. You ask him to leave after you have already had an engagement ceremony with your family and him.
After that relationship ends, you will have an enormous breakdown. In your own home, that you purchased. That breakdown will bring many tears out of which a birthing will emerge. You will see you are the problem and the solution. You will see that your own relationship picker is broken and needs to be fixed. [Picker: A person who chooses a particular thing. Source]
You begin to fix your own picker!
You will pull out your journal and review your life so far. You’ll look at it as an observer with no judgment; simply observing what was and is.
You find that there was nothing wrong with all these men in your life. You will learn they were just not a match for you and your uniqueness.
You map out your journeys. You call all the men you dated and have completion conversations with them. You realize what was missing with each conversation and completion. You also know that marriage may not be for you.
You finally know what you need in your life.
You hear about match.com. You love the notion of online dating… Because you can hide behind your computer screen and be yourself. You don’t have to chase, dress up in a way that is not you, or play games anymore. You wait for the dings in your message box for a few days. You remember your picker was off kilter and consider that perhaps…just perhaps…the dating site’s may be as well.
You choose to go window shopping…
You try on the handle Ex0tq and experience more of what you clearly do not want…like when you decide to go out on one date as Ex0tq with someone match.com said was a match for you. Within 10 minutes of the date, you say ‘let’s honor each other…we are not connecting so let’s just make this easy for both of us.” You pay your portion of the bill, say thank you for meeting me, and you leave. You honor You…and this is when your journey and path towards love begins.
You get on match.com and go window shopping again. You change your handle to “Gr8Life” and name what you do want – a Great Life.
You land on a profile that makes you laugh. You see he lives 0 miles from you; his name is Noiz. You begin an email romance with him. You don’t see his picture…and you have not posted one of you.
That’s different. You choose this Be-cause You will know that you do not want your eyes and monkey mind to deceive you.
You will have many phone conversations with him…like the teenage girl you never were…for hours and hours at a time. Still, you are too fearful of seeing him in person, so you continue a few months of phone talk.
Until…one day you agree to meet.
You date. And begin this dance in which he keeps showing up and you push away. He keeps being generous and caring while you duck and cover. It becomes a frustrating eternity for him.
You are confused. Is this how a man is supposed to be?
Finally, he sits you down at a wonder-full restaurant and tells you that you will never have someone as committed as he is. You gulp and realize that you have to say yes to the most important person in your life.
You also will learn your father prayed for eons for you to find Mr. Wonder-full…especially at a special ancient temple in India on the property of Raj Villas.
And when your father meets him, he tells you that he will haunt you forever if you hurt him.
You have found true love…and it is YOU.