Mind Full or Mindful? A Search for Peace of Mind for People Pleasers



Dr. Dar Hawks

Is Your Mind Full or Mindfulness
A Search for Peace of Mind for People Pleasers 

Welcome to the Feel Good Superpower Podcast, which is the new name for this podcast.  I reference the old name, the conscious living podcast, in the podcast though. I’m Dr. Dar and I am a holistic life coach for people pleasers, empaths, emotional, sensitives and conscious service providers.

Today we’re talking about what conscious and consciousness mean?  As people pleasers we seek peace of mind in our days and nights.  These two words tie into the search for peace of mind for people pleasers.  

How does mindfulness play into this being conscious, and this word that feels so big, called conscious?

And what is one step that you can take each day to be conscious should you choose to do so?

There are lots of books, exercises, lessons, groups and communities available to you about mindfulness and consciousness… but I find that people pleasers have a tough time putting it into their lives as a simple to implement, practical, and healthy habit.

I’ll begin with what these words mean, simplify the approach to being conscious and mindful, and give you 1 step to implement being mindful instead of mind full in your life.

I believe the unconscious way of living has created the issues we are experiencing in our world today, combined with a left brain dominant society. Think about it. All of the focus in schools, when we were in school, and as our children go to school is really focused on left brain activities, on the critical thinking skills on you know, analysis type activities, things that engage the left brain more than the right brain, music, the arts, physical activity, all the right brain activities are being taken out. I don’t believe that this is a malicious thing.

I think it’s just a natural progression of of choices and a series of choices that have unintended consequences. And we’ll talk about unintended consequences in a future podcast.

So this whole unconscious way of living and left brain domination results in these unintended consequences, a lack of balance or lack of fulfillment, disconnection from humanity and nature, a lack of empathy, feeling unfulfilled, not being satisfied, regardless of how much we achieve. It lack of kindness, the state of constant distraction, comparing and judging, and dare I say, given what’s going on in our country in the United States right now, as well as in the world, this domination over others and authoritarianism and dare I even say, hatred.

I’m an advocate for left and right brain balance, for being conscious, for being well, being happy with who we are and how we’re being in the world so that you can stop a search for peace of mind for people pleasers.

If you want to know more about left and right brain activities to bring balance into your own world, please contact me at Dr. Dar.com and ask me to send you my left right brain activity matrix… So that you can start playing with bringing balance starting with your mind, so that your body can follow suit so to speak, once you start balancing your left and right brain, and bring bring a different way of living in your life that’s not being offered currently, in the systems and organizations and and areas that we spend time in.

Alright, let’s talk about this word conscious. 

Mindfulness For People Pleasers - Dr. Dar Hawks

Is Your Mind Full or Mindful
A Search for Peace of Mind for People Pleasers

Listen to my podcast on this topic where I talk more about consciousness as a word along with being mindful.

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 A search for Peace of Mind for People Pleasers really is about understanding what words mean, as they were originally intended, before they were taken and used as a tool for control and manipulation.

We as humans love to pack a lot of interpretation, meaning and assumption to words which gets us as people pleasers into trouble in our communication and relationships. I’m a big advocate for words in the dictionary and, and words matter.

Words give energy and meaning to your thoughts, words, create words, words matter, your words matter, your, your word, thoughts matter.  So I invite you to start looking these words up in the dictionary to level set what they really do mean, so that you can unpack them and release whatever interpretation or meaning or attachments that we’ve put to words throughout our lives and because of the experiences that we’ve had, and create this clean, safe, clean slate in relationship to different boards.

Conscious, consciousness and mindfulness are some of these words that do lend themselves to confusion and maybe even a glazy, I don’t want to deal with it or don’t get it or don’t understand that kind of kind of perspective.  I want to begin with the definition of the word conscious.

The noun relates to a part of the human mind that is aware of a person’s self environment, mental activity, which then determines that person’s choice of action.

That’s pretty powerful to me the noun meaning of conscious that through your awareness, you can then really leverage your choice and your free will. But it starts with that awareness and that consciousness.  The definition is the waking state of the mind, the knowledge which the mind has of its own acts and feelings, also known as thought. The Latin word consious, I think is how you pronounce it is to know it’s, it’s this inner and outer knowing.

Conscious also means aware of your own existence.  I’ve already said this, I think I have anyway, awareness of your own existence yourself, your surroundings, your sensations, your own thoughts, feelings, emotions, motivations, intentions, your own choices before you even make them. That is the beauty of this word conscious, and how it’s so empowering.

It really is a superpower, that each of us as humans have. Conscious also means being capable of more or marked by thought will design or perception.  There’s three more superpower words in that definition:  your thought, your will, and your design.

We all as humans have this as well. Conscious also means being aware of and giving value, or emphasis to a particular fact, or phenomenon. And I like to say story, we love to give value and emphasis to our stories in life, whether they’re elevating or debilitating, we love to give value to them. I like to say that to this definition, that you also have choice through being aware of and what you are giving value to and what you’re giving emphasis to.

For me, I have noticed, within the last few years that I’ve been giving a lot of value and emphasis to a state of lack of feeling good or a lack of feeling well. And I’ve noticed that through that focus, and putting so much value on that state of being, as opposed to putting value on feeling good. Wow, I was noticing that I was feeling not well a lot and kind of got stuck in that pattern loop of focus and value and not feeling good.

It helped me to realize that and recognize that that and have that awareness sometimes it takes some time to see it when you’re stuck in this pattern loop of something similar to mine, where mine was not feeling good. As soon as I shifted my consciousness or my conscious and awareness around the state of not feeling good to a state of feeling good.

Putting value on that I noticed my choices followed through I now and choosing things that feel good or things that are going to elevate my state of health and well being. It also means do doing something or or doing something with full awareness and deliberation, such as making a conscious effort or conscious kindness.

Conscious also means knowing perceiving, considering appraising or noticing with a degree of control thought or observation. And I want to add to that that whole control thought. For me, it’s not so much controlling the thoughts it’s letting them come and not taking action but aligning on the thoughts or observations that are not not in the space of judgment that are in a space of neutrality. being conscious is being is is also the act of possessing the faculty of knowing one’s own thoughts or mental operations.

I like to also say being aware of your body being you know of which mind is part of body, this whole notion of mind and is separate from body than spirit is separate from body. I don’t align with that body is all encompassing. I also invite you to leverage and really pay attention and be aware of your whole body and reconnect your mind and spirit to body. And mind, you just look at the wholeness of your body. Which mind and head is part of consciousness is having the feeling or internal knowledge of something, we’re all wired to have internal awareness. And we’ll talk a little bit about, you know, how that got shut down, or how we stopped, or my opinion about it.

Being conscious or mindful is also about showing relative realization or recognition of something. I shared my story about being aware or recognizing that I was focusing or putting value on not feeling good, my thoughts were all about not feeling good. I have a deal with multiple chemical chemical sensitivity, and airborne sensitivities, anything that’s going on in the air quality, and have severe asthma and allergies. I’m actually in the process of, of shifting my sensitivity, and shifting my focus on what I put a value on from a state of not feeling good to a state of feeling good. My showing realization or recognition of it might take some time. Or you might want to give me a ring, contact me and let’s get you out of a pattern loop if you’re in a pattern loop that you don’t want to be in.

Let me explain what a pattern loop is, it’s being stuck a pattern loop is being stuck in a certain thought pattern, or a certain action or acting, doing pattern, or a pattern in relationship, or at work or anything that you might be engaging in or doing. And I am an advocate of pattern after interruption and creating shifts in those pattern loops, especially when they’re not serving you are not bringing your best to your life. being conscious is also possessing knowledge, whether it’s by internal conscious experience or by external observation learning.

It’s just having knowledge and already mentioned that inner knowing that inner realization of a fact of truth or a condition. It’s also having the mental faculties to be fully active. It’s also being fully aware of or sensitive to something panky, maybe even painfully or joyfully aware of, or being or sensitive to. It’s about personal, personally feeling or personally sensing. being conscious is also having awareness of what you are doing, what one is doing and what one is choosing. It’s also being aware of oneself, I’d like to distinguish this from being self conscious. I feel like there’s a lot of negative connotation to being self conscious, self conscious, or feeling self conscious in our world today tied to body image or what we’re wearing or judgment for being different or you know, the negative words of prejudice and discrimination and judgment to me, they all have the same energy pattern.

What we’re talking about here is not that kind of self conscious. It’s the being conscious of, of who you are, what you’re thinking, what you’re doing your beliefs, your opinions, like that inner knowing of you all that makes you and then your free will in your choice. being conscious is being deliberate, it’s being intentional. It’s about your motivations and your choices.

Mindfulness to me is really the same as as conscious as the word conscious. It’s the quality or state of being conscious or being aware of something. Mindfulness is a it’s a focus on the mind and the mental state, which is achieved by focusing your awareness on the present moment while calmly acknowledging and accepting your feelings, thoughts and bodily sensations. I believe that all the focus on mindfulness I think makes it hard to be mindful.

I believe that the reason why is having a disconnect between the left and the right brain, and also focusing only on mind and not total body, which apart mind is a part of. And so I invite you to just really embrace your whole body. I feel like we’ve given our minds and our brains way too much power and control. And maybe there needs to be a 5050 partnership or 100 100 partnership with body and mind. And that’s what I’m playing with and been experimenting with in my life for the last few years now.

When you are fully present without distraction, in silence, and observing and not doing, just being just noticing, it’s pretty incredible what happens in that space, what messages you receive, and and here’s the thing you start to receive, you hear and see and sense and, and, and feel things that aren’t, I don’t know are taught that are pretty amazing. And others in our world.

For me in the morning, I’m noticing, you know, one of my dogs will just bend his neck back upwards, and just intently Look at me. And to me saying, mommy be present to me right now. And I will stop and I will look and just spend some time with him. And it’s pretty amazing. He’s my, be conscious, be present reminder in every moment.

When you are fully present, you start to receive and all that judging that comparing that self deprecation and all that self damaging stuff, or world or other human damaging stuff that originated outside of you, eventually will stop coexisting with you. Here’s the thing, you didn’t come into this world with all of that, I believe all of that is taught or is learned. And being present without distraction in silence.

Being that neutral observer gives you the gift of restoring, coming into this world as that as that baby as that observer, and unlearning all this, quite frankly, crap that doesn’t serve you. And ultimately doesn’t serve anybody else in your life. That brings the best out in you, and that serves you and and each other. I believe that receiving is truly connected to being present and being conscious. I feel like I’ve complicated things.

And I like to make things simple.

And these definitions don’t really offer that.

Here’s the short or simple perspective on conscious and mindfulness.

Being conscious, and being mindful is really just about being present with all of your senses, being the observer and being the chooser in each and every moment with each in breath, and each out breath and the space in between.

You were born with this innate ability, and then you were taught to be doers. So as I and that is where and when we lost our connection to our higher self as the observer and being present, it’s really not your fault.

It’s not your fault.

It’s not my fault that we have become disconnected or disjointed, unhappy or unfulfilled or dismayed whatever your world is to feel less than old and complete. You were trained the moment you came into this world, to change your inner nature, to be the observer, to be present, in neutral without judgment, whether that’s positive or negative, or anything in between just to be in neutral as the observer. And now, this is your invitation to restore that inner nature to be that observer, taking everything in through all of your senses and be conscious.

I’m reminded once again of the image of a baby in their crib or in their mother’s arms. Looking all around, like the eyes are wide open and their heads moving around, and they’re just looking at everything with not with curiosity, just nutrient neutrality, and I don’t even think they’re questioning it. They’re just simply taking it all in. They’re breathing, there, they’re, they’re not shallow breathing. If you watch a baby breathe, you’ll see their, their belly breathing and their whole torso is filling with that with that breath. Their eyes are wide open, they’re observing and silence. That to me is being conscious and being mindful. I have two options for you today, as you’re one step to being conscious, choose one or both whatever feels good and high for you, and what’s best for you play with them.

This takes time to carve out time for you. For your highest self, it doesn’t have to be a whole lot of time each day. But for it to become innate, again, for you to unlearn what you present to my puppy picking up a chew toy and dropping it. And now present to what I’m here to share with you again. two options, choose one step, do both whatever feels good, it takes time for you to restore this and unlearn what you were taught should you choose to do so here’s step one. With each breath in, ask, silently.

What am I choosing now?

With each breath out, ask what am i releasing? Now?

You don’t have to do both questions. If you want start with asking what am I choosing now for five minutes, and then you know the next five to one minute, however long but don’t be attached to the clock? Because then we become present to the clock and not the action of what we’re doing here and being present. So focus on the question, What am I choosing now? What am I releasing? Now, as you put this into practice, and it becomes habit, you will naturally stop asking, What am I releasing? Now, as there will be nothing left to release, you will simply be the observer. There’s nothing you’re taking on.

There’s nothing you’re taking in.

You’re simply observing and automatically releasing anything that doesn’t serve you. You also will notice a natural state of gratitude, love, kindness, compassion, empathy, and acceptance. Say I don’t believe all of all of those can really be taught because then it becomes just about the doing, not the being. And this activity is really about being at, it’s also tied to that word that is overdone in our world. But so needed, so I’m actually bringing it back into, into form into my life. And that is that state of authenticity, that state of pure authenticity and being genuine. So those are the side benefits for this breathing exercise.

The second option is each hour, carve out five minutes to sit quietly and observe with all your senses. Listen. What do you hear? What do you hear beyond that set that sound that seems dominant? Are there sounds that you’ve not noticed before? What do you see? You might want to close your eyes when you’re focusing on hearing. When you’re saying you might want to close your ears, put your hands over your ears.

Notice what you say.

What do you feel? What do you sense? What do you know? If you feel up to it every half hour carve out five minutes. You can also do this silently in meetings at work or at home. It’s simply being a neutral observer. Now at first. At first you might notice you have judging thoughts show up or analysis type thoughts. Take that breath out and release those thoughts. I believe that all of those are not innate in us. They come over time and through Laura thing. And through comparing and contrasting and determining what we like and what we don’t like for ourselves. That’s tied to our power of choice. So simply notice that you have them, there’s no need to write them down. There’s no need to be attached to them. There’s no need to judge that you’re judging. You’re having judging thoughts there no need to criticize that you’re having them. Simply release them. And then breathe in again.

And ask what am I choosing now? Or if you choose the sensing, observing, ask what do you hear? What do you listen. And just notice what your body and your mind say to you that inner voice. Have fun and enjoy these exercises.

They really are amazing if you give them a chance. Many of my clients have said this is very hard to do. I say that you came into this world knowing how to do this naturally. And you were taught to be distracted to not breathe or shallow breathe, or skip breaths altogether. You were taught to focus on left brain activities.

You were taught to be distracted, you were taught all of the things that show up in your live TV, social media, technology, books, whatever it is that distracts you. All of that, you know, showed up through our choice, right?

But you were also taught to be attached to distractions.

And all of this too, can be unlearned, through the power of your own free will and choice. I am choosing my free will and choice. And I’m choosing to practice these exercises with you ongoingly. Please share with me what shows up for you as you practice these and put them into your lifestyle each and every day.

I also want to share with you that each of us has a superpower like the superpower of all superpowers. Every human being has it. 

I believe that that superpower is our power to choose.  Take the feel good relationship superpower quiz to learn more.

I invite you to choose being conscious, being mindful and being present.

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