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3 Reasons Why Couples Break Up

12/15/2009

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Dr. Dar

Men and women are different, there is no question.  We think, feel, see, hear, speak, and love differently.

3 reasons why couples break up:

  1. Finding Common Ground –
    I repeatedly see couples who connected and stayed for the wrong reasons. They know they have different values, requirements, wants, and needs which creates friction instead of expansion through loving the differences, not knowing how to find common ground when their differences are glaring at them.  Not knowing how to find common ground is what  separates them, not the differences. Separation is the only way they know how to move forward in the heat of managing differences.
  2. Loss of Connection –
    Allowing normal day to day life and responsibility take over the relatonship such that the relationship is on autopilot is a slow path to the demise of the relationship.  Not making time to listen to your partner, continuing to date each other, making time for intimacy, and staying connected to each other leads to the lack of connection which ultimately results in the end of the relationship.  Sometimes the end is quick, sometimes it takes decades.  Just because you are in a committed relationship, it does not mean that the relationship no longer needs continued nurturing. I compare this to shaving my legs for the dreaded annual female physical and not shaving for myself and my husband.
  3. Lack of Support and Acknowledgment –
    The number one complaint I get from both men and women is that they do not feel supported or acknowledged by their partner.  The second is not feeling listened to/heard and poor communication.  Often, couples spend more time on what is not working, what their partner is not doing, what they are doing wrong, or making them wrong.  This combined with constant nagging is a sure path to the demise of the relationship.  Couples forget how to be supportive and how to promote the strengths of their partner.  They don’t know how to talk through things they cannot let go of with the intention of finding common or mutual solutions.  Instead, they argue about it resulting in more frustration and feelings of not being our supported.

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