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How to Do a Relationship Reset for People Pleasers

05/04/2021

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Darshana Hawks

Relationship Reset For People Pleasers - Dr. Dar Hawks

You see black stripes and the other person, your partner, coworker, friend, family member or acquaintance sees white stripes.

And neither of you can agree or find a path toward peaceful engagement.

Changing the subject works sometimes.

But, the energy from that one instance of not seeing eye to eye gets added to the next one… and the next one…

Till you cannot let it go.

That pent-up frustration, annoyance, irritation, and worry creates anxiety.

That’s when you know it’s time for a relationship reset.

But what exactly is a relationship reset and how do you do one?

Relationship Reset Jose Antonio Gallego Vazquez Unsplash Scaled

Photo credit:  Photo by Jose Antonio Gallego Vázquez on Unsplash

It starts with paying attention to what people in my life say and do… and if they are out of alignment with my core values… then I do what I call a relationship reset.  

relationship reset first requires:

  1. Acknowledging when I am giving too much
  2. Being self-aware so that I honor myself and my needs… and am aware when I am not
  3. Having honoring, kind and calm conversations to seek and restore balance when faced with people who do not reciprocate
  4. Being ready to limit my exposure to them if they continue taking in lieu of having a balance where we both give and receive in a divine dance
  5. Not feeling bad about myself or the other person
  6. Understanding when a relationship is not working out that it’s not personal… it may be the Universe conspiring on my behalf… and just allowing and trusting all is well… even when it does not feel like it
  7. Accepting it for what it is… we are out of alignment… and that is ok.  There is nothing wrong. There is nothing to fix. There is nothing to do.  Let it be.

How do you do a relationship reset for people pleasers?

There was a time when I found myself having to do relationship resets a few times a month with various people in my life.  I would escape into my mental and emotional womb like cave of comfort… but eventually I would have to come out and deal with relationship turmoils in my life.

Here are the steps for doing a relationship reset:

  1. Be patient with your emotions.  Give them time to reveal the wisdom that arrives once the emotional storm passes.  I used to jump in and try to have conversations to fix things that felt awry in my relationships in the heat of the moment.  Nothing good every came out of doing that… just more arguing, anger, frustration, and pain.
  2. Learn to give the relationship space instead of desperately trying to keep it together.  It usually works out one way or another without you having to to fix it.
  3. Be strong in respecting and loving yourself. When you do, no one can talk you down, disrespect, or dishonor you… and even if they do… it no longer harms you… because you hold yourself on a higher plane.
  4. Whenever something feels off… instead of thinking you did something wrong and reacting from that place… give it time… keep your mind busy… until you get some clarity.  More often than not, the feeling passes. Trust that the opportunity will present itself if you are to apologize for anything… and usually… you won’t.
  5. Hire a professional relationship coach to help you navigate through the issues in the relationship in a peaceful way… not your friends or family… or trying to resolve it yourself.  The minds and energy that created the relationship may not be able to see solutions or create resolution like a trained professional relationship coach can. 

I hope this is helpful to you.  Share your comments below to let me know if you have any questions.  And… contact me if I can help you with your relationship.

With Love,
Dr. Dar

Relationship Rebuild For People Pleasers - Dr. Dar Hawks

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What's Your Relationship Personality Type?

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