Let’s face it. Online dating profiles are set up in such a way that it brings the shallow out in us. Whoa! Wait, you say you are not shallow!
Hmm…Are you putting an age range of interest? Is the age range close to your age range or way out of it? Are you specifying what color hair, height, education, vocation, and body type preferences? If you said yes to any of these questions, then it is a shallow way of screening potential prospects. BUT, how else can you screen them without meeting them face to face and getting to know them?
Marc Even Katz with Your Tango says it well here:
I agree with him. In order to get included in the search criteria built by the online dating sites, you do have to play the game of selecting the right mix of criteria so that you can be found. It is a tricky game AND you have to keep tweaking and testing based on the results you get. Very much like being listed as # 1 on Google, it takes diligence, continuing to change different sections and waiting a couple of weeks to see what happens. Most people set up their profiles and forget the importance of the profile only to complain that the dating site did not work for them. Evan Marc Katz states that it is not unethical to adjust your age so you can be found in the searches that people make AND he also states that you should be very clear when you do connect with prospects about your age. Lying about your age is not ok once you have connected with someone.
I don’t agree that men who look for younger aged women are always looking to procreate. My experience is that men who want younger women are looking for a trophy on their arm and are not necessarily being honest with themselves about what they really need at a deeper level, they just want to have fun. Wait, before all my Single Male fans out there start bashing me….I say there is nothing wrong with having fun and not being ready for a full-on relationship. I had my fun too for sure. All I am saying is be honest about it. And here’s one for my male fans…women, listen to what they say. If they say they just want to have fun, then ask what they mean by that…if you choose to continue dating them with the hope that they will change their mind, then know that you are taking that chance and DO NOT get ticked off with the man if they don’t commit to you when they were open all along.
P.S. Everything I am saying here applies to both men and women (i.e. there are women who just want to date, have a trophy, have fun, and not commit as well, etc.)
Women, stop being negative about the men who are looking for women who are younger and svelt, if that is what they are looking for and you are not, move on. This is a numbers game – you keep playing until you find what you want. But if you are negative about what you are finding instead of enjoying the treasure hunt along the way, having fun along the way, you may just miss out on the one.
My husband and I would never have gone out with each other if we had been introduced at a party or by friends or family! Let me say that again, we would not have given each other the time of day! The reason we did is because we met online, did not see any pictures of each other, got to know each other deeply via email and phone, and then connected in person to become close soul mates. Our preconceived and often erroneous ideas, judgments, filters, and yes prejudices keep us from being open to finding the one. I know, they almost kept me from him! Sheesh.
Be open, have fun, and enjoy the dating game that I call the Treasure Hunt! And continue to tweak and test your profile based on the results you get.
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