DO NOT STAY in your marriage 'for the sake of the children'. You are causing more pain for them when they become adults and you cannot see that right now. Staying in your relationship for the sake of your children causes your children much more distress over the long term than divorce does. Your children learn how to have a relationship by watching and experiencing your relationship. The adage History Repeats Itself is true. Think about it, what are you repeating from learned behaviors or beliefs from your parents or family? What impacts has your past had on your present relationships?
Hiding the Truth
Children love to see their parents happy and successful. If they are not, children may think they are at fault. If your children are acting out, take a look at yourself and your behaviors first. If you are bickering with your spouse and your teens are bickering, then you taught them how to bicker and you have to change your behavior and attitude. You cannot hide your issues from your children, they know you as well as you know them and they are intuitive. They know the truth so there is no point in hiding it.
Experts who work with mature children found that:
Children of divorced parents who found happiness in their life by choosing separation, either as a single or by entering a new relationship, say they grew up with a healthy self image and know the importance of happiness. These children have a positive outlook on life and love. These children considered their parents as role models who had a lot of affection for them and they had the strength to do what is right for themselves and create a happy situation for themselves.
On the flip side, children of parents who stayed in an unhappy married life are the one’s who lack confidence in themselves and in their relationships. These children grow up to have a negative attitude about love. They have difficulty in expressing their emotions to their loved ones or they consider themselves unworthy of love. This is because they grew up watching their parents fail to have a joyous relationship or life.
When a group of grown up children was asked on how many of them thought it would have been better if their parents had divorced, over half of them responded that they preferred their parents were divorced.
As a parent, your duty is to decide on what is best for your children and what they are learning from you about love, passion, connection, communication, marriage, sex, and happiness. If you are not happy, are arguing or fighting on a regular basis in your marriage, it is high time to consult with a Relationship Expert who can help you and your spouse figure out whether or not your marriage can be saved – they are trained to help you stop fighting, help you understand each other, help you talk to each other and be heard – all so that you can decide whether it is best for you and your children to stay together or not.
You owe it to your kids to do the best to save your marriage. But if you get to the point that you just want out, don't go have an affair to take the easy way out, instead do the right thing and separate from your spouse, instead of teaching your kids how to 'cheat'.
You are worth more than staying in an unhealthy marriage. Your marriage is worth bringing someone in to help you 'fix' the problems in the relationship. Stop listening to friends and family please, get some kahunas and hire an expert to help you now.
I am an advocate for healthy marriage. I am not an advocate for an unhealthy marriage. I make unhealthy marriages healthy again!
If you are or know someone who is experiencing difficulty in their marriage, please offer an act of kindness and refer them to me, Dr. Dar Divorce Stopr, right away so I can help bring peaceful solutions and reconnect them to love and joy once again.
Dr. Dar | Relationship Success Source | 704.846.0932