7 Steps to Save Your Marriage



Dr. Dar Hawks

If you’re currently married then you realize that everyday marriages are not like fairy tales. Couples experience high and lows. Sometimes they get along and sometimes they don’t. If you’re reading this article, chances are that your marriage is in a downward spiral. You’re worried and you want to do something to save your marriage. Well, I can help.  I can help you save your marriage if you follow these tips. Let’s begin.

You must get committed. If you really want your marriage to work, you’ve got to commit making your marriage better.  Now, I’m not saying that you must commit to changing your spouse.  After all, the only person you can change is yourself.  You must become committed to making your part of the marriage the best that it can be. You have to commit to doing your part.

Stop nagging.  Many marriages have problems because people criticize their spouses too much. They find fault in whatever there spouses do.  In return, their spouses just stop doing stuff.  If you want your spouse to do something, even if you’re not happy with the way your spouse is acting, you have to treat them with respect.  For instance, ask them to do something and then trust that they’ll do it; do not treat them like a child.  If it does not get done according to your time table, either do it yourself or simply don’t worry about it or give it time to get done.  Your spouse will never do things the way you want them done and when you want them done because they are not you.  So, chill out and allow them to be who they are and allow them to succeed.

Be more positive.  No one wants to be around a grumpy person all day. If you’re constantly criticizing and finding fault in your spouse, neither of you will feel better.  Instead you will just avoid each other. For instance, if your hubby buys you a goofy gift for your birthday, instead of getting all mean and negative, accept the gift with gratitude. He spent time buying something for you, even if the gifts benefit both of you.

Consider marital coaching; more often than not it helps to talk to a neutral third person who can see the patterns that play out in your relationship.  Take time to find one that both of you are comfortable with. If your spouse isn’t comfortable going,  at least have him have one conversation with the coach before he sticks to no.  With the counselor, you can work on improving yourself. Perhaps your spouse will change their mind, perhaps they won’t, the important thing is that you did something to save your marriage and can have some comfort in knowing that you really tried.

Bring The Romance Back.  Maybe you have put romance on a back burner; now is the time to bring it back. Some romantic ideas include making your spouse their favorite meal, leave little love notes in their pocket, call them or send them text messages during the day to tel them that you love and care about them (no matter what), encourage and support them.

Acknowledge the things they do. Start complimenting your spouse when they do something wonderful. Tell them that you appreciate them taking out the trash, comforting the baby in the middle of the night, whatever. Just acknowledge them and tell them how much you appreciate their help. You may find that they end up doing even more to please you.  And you may even find yourself receiving acknowledgment once you start modeling the behavior.

Apologize.  If you were wrong, admit it. Acknowledge that you made a mistake and ask your spouse to forgive you. Then, make sure that you don’t do whatever it is again.  And, if you are in the middle of an argument and both of you are defending your position to be right, take the higher road and just say sorry for the argument.  Whether you are right or wrong is irrelevant.  Move forward by apologizing and wait to resolve the decision that needs to be made when you are both in a peaceful and listening space again.

You can save your marriage.  You must make changes within yourself.  Get committed, stop nagging, be more positive, consider marital coaching, add romance back, acknowledge the things your spouse does, do not acknowledge things your spouse does not do or does not do the way you would do them , and apologize when you’re wrong. By doing these simple things,  you can help save your marriage and improve it over time.

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