7 Tips for Dealing with a Jealous Spouse or Boy/Girlfriend?



Dr. Dar

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First, let’s review the dictionary definition of jealousy:

  1. Feeling resentment against someone because of that person’s rivalry, success, or advantages (often fol. by of): He was jealous of his rich brother.
  2. Feeling resentment because of another’s success, advantage, etc. (often fol. by of): He was jealous of his brother’s wealth.
  3. Characterized by or proceeding from suspicious fears or envious resentment: a jealous rage; jealous intrigues.
  4. Inclined to or troubled by suspicions of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in a jealous husband.
  5. Solicitous or vigilant in maintaining or guarding something.


Here are the 7 Tips:

  1. Jealousy is an issue for the person who is jealous, not the person receiving the jealous behavior as indicated in the definitions above.  This means that the jealousy directed at you is  not about you!  It was there way before you.
  2. If you have been unfaithful or play games to make someone else jealous, then you are the one with the issue.
  3. Harboring guilt or feeling that you are at fault if #2 is not true is unnecessary because the one who is jealous is the one who has created the need to be jealous.
  4. Adjusting your behavior or changing who you are to make someone who is jealous feel better does not resolve the jealous behavior.  The jealous behavior will usually continue or will show up in other areas.
  5. You cannot fix the jealous behavior if you are not the one who is jealous.  The person who is jealous has to do their own inner work to move forward in their lives.
  6. Jealousy can and does result in rage or anger, quite often directed at you.  Maybe that is why Chris Brown went ballistic.  Jealous rage takes over an individual’s sanity.  Again, it is not about you but is directed at you.  If you are in a jealous rage/anger situation – the best thing for you to do is be silent and remove yourself from the situation rather than defending your position or arguing back.
  7. DO NOT attempt to resolve jealousy issues on your own.  And definitely DO NOT attempt to fix another person’s jealousy issues.    That just escalates the situation and you are not trained in how to uncover the drive behind the jealous behavior nor are you trained in how to cause healing in the jealous person.

Hire a professional counselor or Coach to help you move forward as a Jealous person OR as a person who is in a relationship with a Jealous person.

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